The Missing Link...

At our December Meetup, we talked about getting clear on the vision for our lives by focusing on what we WANT (not what we don't want) and then creating little mental movies in our head (visualize) detailing what it would feel like when we achieve it. For example, instead of focusing on finding a partner who DOES NOT smoke, IS NOT in debt, etc... focus on finding a partner who IS healthy, IS ambitious, etc. State what you want in the positive...

And once we truly BELIEVE that what we want is on it's way to us and feel the emotion of that truth, our minds look for situations that reinforce that belief and we begin to live into that truth by attracting the people and situations to us that are in alignment.

John Assaraf puts it this way... Thoughts + FEELING + Action = Results.

If any one of those pieces is missing, our results will fall short. I tend to be really good at the thoughts, getting crystal clear on what I want, and I am pretty good with action being a type A personality ...but the weakest component of that formula for me is FEELING. I sometimes let doubt interfere with (or delay) my results, which is what I will be working on in 2010.

How does this resonate with you?

No More Resolutions...

There’s a story I read recently about a Native American grandfather who was talking to his grandson after 9-11 about violence and cruelty in the world and how something like 9-11 can happen. He said it was as if two wolves were fighting in his heart. One wolf was vengeful and angry; the other wolf was compassionate and loving. The young man asked his grandfather which wolf would win the fight in his heart. And the grandfather answered “the one that wins will be the one that I choose to feed.”

What a powerful illustration of how WE determine our experience of life by where we choose to place our attention and by which thoughts we reinforce/feed/nurture with that attention.

Our own choices about which thoughts to nurture determine our experience of life. No exceptions. Think about it...how often do we subtly nurture fear-based thoughts of lack, judgment, jealousy, regret, guilt, resentment as opposed to love-based thoughts of generosity, compassion, faith, trust, forgiveness, service...and then blame outside circumstances for messing with the quality of our life? We’re often so focused on trying to rearrange outside circumstances (if I made more money I’d be happy, if she would just behave the right way I’d be happy, if my job was different, etc.) instead of dealing with how we are thinking about our circumstances, which in turn determines the choices we make in response to the quality of our thoughts, which in turn determines our experience.

So as I move into 2010, my focus is not on resolutions to lose weight, make more money, get a bigger house, etc.; my underlying intention this coming year is to continue developing a sharper sense of self-awareness so that I make loving, life supporting choices more often than not. How? Reading, journaling, workshops, teleclasses, retreats, etc...there are so many resources now available to support living a powerful, authentic life. For example, www.healingwiththemasters.com has been an incredible source of inspiration and practical tools these past few months! Find what works best for you.

My life is most definitely a reflection of the choices I make each day and the habits that reinforce those choices, so with an evolving sense of self-awareness 2010 for me will be about continuing to align (or realign) my thoughts and habits so that they correspond to my highest desires. Not just to think about my desires for my career, finances, relationships, health, etc. as if they may or may not happen; but to get crystal clear on my vision so that in the present moment I can think and act as if I KNOW what I desire is on its way to me and match my thinking and habits to that truth. Then, just as importantly, I let go of trying to control HOW it shows up. I just do my part and then put my trust in a power greater than myself that whatever is the highest good will become apparent. Invite you to do the same.

Wishing everyone much abundance in every way possible in 2010 and in years coming. Be well.

Gratefulness = No Regrets

I always tend to think about gratitude around the holidays and this year is no different. However, a new insight bubbled up this week...

My intention is to live a life with no regrets, and the best way I've found to do that is to stay in gratitude. Now... it's easy to feel grateful when life is going as planned or when life's dramas are kept to a minimum. But when I can feel grateful for the experiences that are most unpleasant by choosing to see valuable lessons for me in all that happens, there is no room for regret.

So, what I've realized is that living a life with no regrets is NOT about obsessing to make sure I make all the "right" choices in every situation; it's about honestly doing MY best and using ALL of my life -- the pleasant and the unpleasant -- as an invitation to grow, learn more about myself, and live more fully authentic.

"Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret." -- Miguel Angel Ruiz

A Gift?

I often end my emails with "Be Well", and the lesson for me over these past several weeks is that there's a difference between wellness and being pain-free.

Wellness looks different for everyone; for me it's a feeling of acceptance, presence, compassion, openness and gratitude for my life. Whether or not I feel WELL has less to do with how much physical pain my neck hernias or anything else are causing me, but how skillfully or fearfully I work with the pain. After revisiting Pema Chodron's teachings on suffering, meditation and freedom last month, I was clearly "gifted" an opportunity to work with them for real...

Practicing mindfulness to tap into my fundamental feeling of wellness in the midst of my physical pain definitely continues to be a challenging exercise, but it has been proven true for me (again) that genuine joy or a feeling that all is well is independent of what is happening to or around me. I know that not because I read about it or heard about it at a seminar or lecture, but because I experience it. At those times when my response to life does not reflect the spiritual principles I study, the disconnect is not in my understanding of the concepts but in feeling the truth of them for me.

I invite you to look at any area of your life that is causing you pain - physical or emotional. What lesson is your pain trying to teach you? Where is there a disconnect between what you say you believe and your behaviors? Can you access a feeling of wellness or a knowing that all is well even when you would prefer life be different in the moment? Because you become really powerful and free when you use ALL of your life in service to your highest sense of self...and then offer your best to others.

Joy & Pain

This past Sunday, I arrived back home after enjoying a wonderful vacation in Hawaii. Contrast that with the profound heartache I feel today when I reflect on losing a loved one on 9/11/01.
And then...I was driving home after work listening to "Joy and Pain" by Frankie Beverly and Maze and felt a sudden relief...

"...joy and pain...like sunshine and rain..."

Listening reminded me that both joy and pain (like sun and rain) are essential for life. And for me, pain's purpose is to show up and leave behind whatever lesson it was meant to bring - be it a deeper understanding, compassion, new insight, whatever. When I try to fight the pain that has already arrived instead of just "being" with it, I clog up my life's natural flow, and the pain hangs around longer than is useful.

That song interrupted my painful "thought attack", and that created some internal space for a new understanding to arise (or more accurately I remembered what I already knew). Pain, like bliss, is an impermanent experience, like clouds passing through a clear blue sky. But true love never dies - it lives eternally and manifests in how generously I love, how simply I live, how deeply I care and how kindly I speak.

So once again, I end the day grateful. Grateful for the loving imprint Courtney has left on my life and how his angelic energy guides me even when it's painful, AND grateful for a beautiful Hanalei sunset in Kauai shared with someone who so gracefully reflects God's love FOR me back TO me. And isn't that the point of it all.